April fish and other hoaxes

Flight 199

These people are supposed to be professionals and all we get is stress and worry and tears. And gaps.

The whole idea for The Drawbridge was based on imbibation-enhanced idealism, slow cooking and revelry, yet it didn't take long for that notion to fall by the proverbial wayside. There followed much allaying of blame, appalling infighting, rank hypocrisy, backbiting and selfish errancy. It was only to be 4 pages long, so what could go wrong?

Well, Giovanni, our publisher, decided to go bungee-jumping for two weeks with Svenka, his adoring Czech, just as Gloria and Irene, our editors, were starting to patch up their broken friendship after the terrible incident on a Helsinki-to-London City flight, involving all of the flight attendants, the navigator and a few burly mobile phone company employees. They were returning from paper sampling in a freezing, godforsaken sub-suburban industrial estate and continued their childish argument about stock, weight and tone of paper. They simply disagreed. But the quarrelling turned into violence on flight 199, possibly due to the underlying tension fuelled by their love for Nikki, our creative genius idiot-savant. Nikki was close to breakdown already and wanted off the job, but no one, no matter how hard they tried, could find fault with his well-presented limited-edition print-run argument. The air-bound grapple ended with the ladies being separated and soothed with foul airline liquor. They both fell into a deep stupor, no doubt dreaming of Nikki getting all heavy about kerning.

The paper decision was made (the right one I think you'll agree) and the words and pictures, awaited with trembling enthusiasm, began to trickle in. Slow at first, gradually building up to a torrent of ideas and prose flooding the editorial office. Things were looking good. Giovanni was happy to call in every now and then just to enquire on progress before throwing himself off yet another rope-bridge and the design was gelling, especially after the third bottle. A month of grafting, the generosity of contributors and hot-blooded discussion have culminated in this splendid organ which we hope you enjoy.

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